by Rachel Alexandria | Mar 13, 2023 | articles |
“You are so stunning and kind-hearted. You are brilliant and talented and successful. You think deeply about the people in your life and anyone would be so lucky to date you!” Hearing this compliment, my friend smiled…at first. But the longer the...
by Rachel Alexandria | Mar 6, 2023 | articles |
Do you always put yourself last? I was discussing with my massage therapist how often people see self-care appointments like massage as “luxury” rather than standard personal care. I notice that, especially as I get older, I have more people telling me...
by Rachel Alexandria | Feb 27, 2023 | articles |
On the heels of my post about how there are no rewards for everyday greatness, I remembered a pivotal moment in my life that I want to share with you. Years ago, I tried to lead a group of senior colleagues in planning a big event. A couple people challenged me, with...
by Rachel Alexandria | Feb 20, 2023 | articles |
A client texted me, “I get so frustrated / disappointed when I’m hit with waves of sadness or anger. I have this belief that if I was doing my inner work “right,” I wouldn’t be experiencing those big waves of emotion.” We think there’s a point where we...
by Rachel Alexandria | Feb 20, 2023 | articles |
Not sending a birthday card. Not showing up for the baby shower. Ignoring their text. Even when we make these choices for a good reason, we can still feel so guilty! So let’s talk about when that guilty feeling is useful…and when it really isn’t....
by Rachel Alexandria | Feb 16, 2023 | articles |
“This award for achievement and excellence in their field goes out to…!” Wouldn’t it be awesome if the world celebrated our personal accomplishments the way we do celebrities? Not a competitive awards show like the Grammys, but with big fanfare...
by Rachel Alexandria | Feb 7, 2023 | articles |
Have you ever gotten partway through a book or movie that you didn’t like, but decided to stick with it and finish it? What about a dessert that really doesn’t taste good, but you choke it down anyway because you spent $6 to get it? Maybe you’re hanging in...
by Rachel Alexandria | Jan 26, 2023 | articles |
I’m traveling this week to help my mom recover from a surgery (healing energy and good vibes for her healthy recovery are appreciated!) and there’s also a lot of heart-holding I’m doing for friends and clients right now. Yesterday, my car gave me a...
by Rachel Alexandria | Jan 18, 2023 | articles |
Why don’t some people seem to care when they have hurt us? When you have LOTS of empathy for others, it’s a strong motivator to not cause harm because you can feel the impact of the harm. You care. It makes you feel bad and want to make amends and do...
by Rachel Alexandria | Jan 10, 2023 | articles |
“I know that 75 lbs feels heavy and you want to protect your knee, but trust me and try to lift it anyway.” I’m swearing at my trainer under my breath (just kidding, Brandon!), but I know he’s right. The body doesn’t WANT to do hard...
by Rachel Alexandria | Jan 5, 2023 | articles |
Ever hear the expression, “you should be kind because you never know what other people are going through”? I’m gonna blow your mind right now — You should also be kind to yourself because, friend, you probably have no idea what YOU are going...
by Rachel Alexandria | Dec 16, 2022 | articles |
Ever notice that during certain times in life you are supposed to feel a specific way, and if you don’t, it’s not okay? Like, you’re on vacation so you’re supposed to have the best time ever… Or it’s your birthday and you should...
by Rachel Alexandria | Nov 30, 2022 | articles |
“He wouldn’t change it the way I told him and I got irrationally angry!” “They haven’t responded to my call in over an hour and I’m freaking out.” We see the impact of past trauma everywhere. It’s hiding in plain sight,...
by Rachel Alexandria | Nov 20, 2022 | articles |
“Oh, I didn’t have as bad as others, so I’m fine.” “It’s really not that big of a deal.” “It happened a really long time ago. I’m over it.” Have you ever said that in conversation? Yet, when you’re driving home or you get off the zoom call, an uncomfortable...
by Rachel Alexandria | Nov 4, 2022 | articles |
“Hey friend, watch what I can do!” I excitedly dipped my knees towards the ground in an extended squat to show off the progress I’ve made in my flexibility…and then my problem knee twinged painfully. Rather than get upset or feel deflated about...
by Rachel Alexandria | Oct 28, 2022 | articles |
Recently, American singer and recording artist, Lizzo, was asked why she doesn’t “clap back’ at her haters. The singer often shares on her social media how she’s vegan, works out daily, and practices self-love despite constant criticism and jokes about her...
by Rachel Alexandria | Oct 25, 2022 | articles |
October started as a fantastic month! I had a huge moment of clarity in my professional life, which I’ll share more about in another email. I finally felt on top of my game for the first time since my bout with grief that began in June. My creativity and energy...
by Rachel Alexandria | Sep 29, 2022 | articles |
Before you step onto the train, or the Embankment Station, as they call it in the U.K., a voice comes over the intercom saying, “Mind the Gap.” It essentially means watch out for the space between the station platform and the train as it’s coming....
by Rachel Alexandria | Sep 25, 2022 | articles |
Ever finish a big celebratory event like a family party or fundraiser feeling amazing, but then the next day, you feel like you got run over by a truck? Or have you had the experience of setting up a conversation with a difficult person, which feels important but...
by Rachel Alexandria | Sep 19, 2022 | articles |
You may have heard the phrase, “Most people go to therapy to learn how to deal with people who won’t go to therapy.” Funny, but true, right? The foundation of most healthy relationships is well-set boundaries. Most people think boundaries mean cutting...
by Rachel Alexandria | Sep 10, 2022 | articles |
Have you ever watched those nature shows where you see a predator animal like a cheetah or hyena hunting for its food? You’re glued to the TV. It’s mesmerizing watching how adaptable and agile the predator is. It’s equally captivating to see what’s being hunted...
by Rachel Alexandria | Sep 4, 2022 | articles |
Have you ever worked hard on a project, only to have your boss never mention it? Take extra time to get dressed up for “date night” and your spouse doesn’t say anything? Go out of your way for the school fundraiser and no one acknowledges it? Resentment...
by Rachel Alexandria | Aug 28, 2022 | articles |
Have you ever wondered how someone becomes a people-pleaser? The short answer is they feel like they’re doing a good thing by being a good person and making sure everyone around them feels good. Isn’t this being a good person? Well, no. It’s lovely to care...
by Rachel Alexandria | Aug 18, 2022 | articles |
One of the biggest factors in an existential crisis is feeling disconnected from your own soul or heart. When you haven’t been listening to your heart for a long time, you can start to feel empty. You may notice most things don’t bring you a sense of...
by Rachel Alexandria | Aug 7, 2022 | articles |
“I gotta go home for Thanksgiving, because if I don’t go, I’ll hear about it for months.” “Oh god, my sister is calling for the fourth time this week and I just don’t want to pick up the phone, but I have to.” How many times...
by Rachel Alexandria | Jul 18, 2022 | articles |
How do you deal when the going gets tough? I love a good reality show because, as a psychology nerd, I learn so much about how people work — how they fail, how they deal with inner flaws, and how they get back up again. Snowflake Mountain on Netflix is the...
by Rachel Alexandria | Jul 14, 2022 | articles |
“Don’t give up before the miracle.” “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink.” “We accept the love we think we deserve.” Wisdom is abundant these days; you see a slew of inspirational quotes every...
by Rachel Alexandria | Jun 22, 2022 | articles |
Ever watch someone handle a difficult situation with grace, instead of snapping back or losing their self-control? You might think to yourself, “I wish I could do that. I have no idea how they are so calm!” Meanwhile, you find yourself doing or saying...
by Rachel Alexandria | Jun 15, 2022 | articles |
“Would you like to brush your teeth this evening?” “I understand you’re mad, but would you be willing to stop yelling?” As parents, we’d never say that. We don’t give kids options. We set boundaries and stick to it. That’s what helps kids grow...
by Rachel Alexandria | Jun 6, 2022 | articles |
Unless you’ve been living under a grey rock, you’ve heard about the “Great Resignation.” It’s the global phenomenon where people began leaving their jobs en masse in 2021. We are, collectively, tired of not be treated right, of being taken for granted, and...
by Rachel Alexandria | May 30, 2022 | articles |
(Harmful people post 2 of 2. See Harmful People Warning Signs here.) Once you’re able to spot harmful people, what can you do about them? First, remember it’s not your job to fix anyone, and the more you try, the more it erodes away your own confidence and...
by Rachel Alexandria | May 25, 2022 | articles |
(Harmful people post 1 of 2) You’ve probably heard about “toxic relationships” or difficult people (or toxic people and difficult relationships). In this post I’m using the term “harmful people” to encompass all of those things. I...
by Rachel Alexandria | May 8, 2022 | articles |
“Just cut them out of your life.” You’ve probably heard this advice when talking about dealing with harmful, abusive people, BUT….. What happens when you can’t just have them be dead to you? If it’s a parent, boss, teammate, or sibling, sometimes you...
by Rachel Alexandria | May 1, 2022 | articles |
Have you ever had this happen? You tell yourself, “Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry… keep it together… don’t cry” … …… And then the water works. Why can’t we control those damn emotions?! Emotions are so inconvenient and messy — I know you...
by Rachel Alexandria | Oct 7, 2021 | articles |
We are living in unpredictable and difficult times. There is so much we haven’t been taught to do that we need in order to stay healthy and have our energy flowing well. Stuff like shedding what doesn’t belong to us, including what I’m calling “ghost...
by Rachel Alexandria | Jul 28, 2021 | articles |
We want to be well-liked, but in trying to please everyone and prevent hurt feelings, we often end up creating the very drama we sought to avoid. In this article, I’m sharing the six ways we tend to avoid conflict with a coping behavior. What I discovered when...
by Rachel Alexandria | Feb 1, 2018 | articles |
Last year we dropped Who is in Charge of Your Brain? into the world and your feedback was overwhelmingly positive. But then I started hearing from enthusiastic readers that they wanted a follow-up. The book is just a wonderful taster, and they crave a next step into...
by Rachel Alexandria | Sep 7, 2017 | articles |
Join me for the official launch of my new book, Who is in Charge of Your Brain?! At 11:30 AM PT on Friday, September 8, 2017, this video screen *should* become live. I’ll be reading you the full book, complete with some character voices, plus sharing where you...
by Rachel Alexandria | Mar 1, 2017 | articles |
One of the things I love about social media is how it allows me to encounter, follow, and connect with so many bright minds. I’ve been struck in the last couple years by the passionate, brilliant freethinkers I’ve met, and after a while, a thread emerged...
by Rachel Alexandria | Oct 5, 2016 | articles |
“Well, aren’t you optimistic?” That was the first thing an elderly stranger said to me as I walked into the elevator. It is late September here in the Northwest, and I was wearing short shorts and a tank top with a jacket over it. She had taken it all in with an...
by Rachel Alexandria | Sep 23, 2016 | articles |
I offered an online intro class to cover some basics for how to cope when conflict arises. I created this in hopes of supporting you to feel more able to speak up on behalf of your beliefs and create change…without worrying as much about people disagreeing or...
by Rachel Alexandria | Sep 14, 2016 | articles |
“I don’t want to have to ‘handle’ people.” “I don’t want to be a hardass.” “I get so tired of saying ‘no’.” I see a lot of people who don’t like how they have to act in order to be...
by Rachel Alexandria | Aug 25, 2016 | articles |
What happens when you truly allow yourself to experience your anger? One of three things… Click play on this short video to hear my take on what you’ll find under your anger.
by Rachel Alexandria | Jul 20, 2016 | articles |
I asked this question on Facebook and got a number of answers (thank you, brave souls) that boiled down to two main obstacles: FEAR Timing Timing, I get, and I support that. Some movements in our lives need us to, as Captain Jack Sparrow says, “wait for the...
by Rachel Alexandria | Sep 1, 2015 | articles |
How often do you feel you have to accommodate what’s happening in your life? How frequently do you think it’s your job to adapt to the situation, rather than asking for someone else to change? As a Good Girls, we will change ourselves and push down our...
by Rachel Alexandria | Jul 23, 2015 | articles |
Sometimes my job is to help people hit the Wall of Futility with both more expediency and compassion than they would on their own. Hitting the Wall of Futility (an expression I first read in an amazing book called “Parenting Without Power Struggles”) is a...
by Rachel Alexandria | May 1, 2015 | articles |
People come into therapy because they are unhappy, in pain, angry, sad, etc. Essentially, things have gotten bad enough (emotionally, at least) that they realize they need help. And then they come in for the first visit, delve into the story and their anguish, and...
by Rachel Alexandria | Apr 28, 2015 | articles |
“Rachel, I have to tell you about what’s happened since we worked together last spring. The thing I got really clear on was that I didn’t have to change my boyfriend for it to be a good experience. When we talked about leaving him better than I found...
by Rachel Alexandria | Mar 10, 2015 | articles |
If you’ve been reading my posts for a while, you know I’ve always got some personal growth “thing” that I’m working on…and what’s been coming up in spades lately is surrender. I remember a friend once evoking it like in the Wizard of Oz, when the witch writes...
by Rachel Alexandria | Jun 8, 2014 | articles |
I got the nudge to visit the naked lady spa tonight. It was 9pm. I was in Eastlake, just leaving my office, and they close at 10. “Really?” I thought to myself. “That seems not quite right. It’ll be a lot of money for only a little bit of...
