Boundaries Are an Inside Job

Boundaries Are an Inside Job

“I told her not to cross that line, but she did it anyway! Why won’t she respect my boundaries?!” ​ ​ Here’s the thing that most people get wrong about boundaries—they aren’t a warning sign you post. They are a commitment to your future...
Why Am I So Tired All the Time?

Why Am I So Tired All the Time?

​”I screwed something up at work, and my logical mind knows it’s gonna be okay, but I keep hearing this nasty voice telling me what a piece of crap I am. It’s so much effort to get that one to shut up!” You’re tired, aren’t you?...
Who Deserves Your Love Most?

Who Deserves Your Love Most?

I have a couple other posts I’ve been writing this week to share with you, but today I was struck by a desire to talk about who we give our love to versus who deserves it the most. Here’s a short 3 minute video, a little Valentine from me to you. You have...
Obedience Doesn’t Get You Peace

Obedience Doesn’t Get You Peace

“My mom has so many unreasonable demands. I try to just go along and not make waves to keep the peace. But now she’s calling me almost every day and guilt tripping me when I try to say I can’t talk.”​ ​ No one likes to be attacked or mired in...
How to Find Calm Again

How to Find Calm Again

“It’s so hard to focus right now. I keep getting distracted by everything and I end up feeling overwhelmed and anxious.”​ ​ When I started coming down with anxiety issues after my divorce, it was so difficult for me to focus or get anything done....
Who Am I Without My Problem?

Who Am I Without My Problem?

“I know I’ve been struggling with this for so long…but right now, when I have the chance, it’s feeling hard to let go of the problem.” You might laugh at this, but when we are truly given the chance to let go of a significant problem,...
You’re Not Alone in Loneliness

You’re Not Alone in Loneliness

“My experience right now is so isolating. Everyone else has family and full lives, and I’m just here alone.” Someone attending my Family Constellations workshop looked at a reflection of her family story — her standing alone surrounded by a...
What Are the Hardest Changes to Make?

What Are the Hardest Changes to Make?

“Oh wow, I can just stop responding to my dad’s crazy texts? Like, I now realize I don’t have to engage with him if I don’t want to and this blows my mind. I felt trapped before and now I’m free.” Like my client here, so many of us are feeling trapped in...
What Will People Think?

What Will People Think?

I can’t wear that (or do that or say that)! What will people think?!”What. Will. People. Think.Four of the most harmful words ever strung together.Before you ever said this to yourself, you heard it from someone else, likely a parent. And sure, maybe they...
When Is It Toxic to be Fine?

When Is It Toxic to be Fine?

“Yeah, I know what happened was messed up, but it’s fine. I was fine.” My client was processing when their mental health took a nosedive. They described a really toxic workplace culture that they had to keep returning to for far too long. Then they...
What’s Your Secret Mess?

What’s Your Secret Mess?

“My house is currently a nightmare.” “No one in my family is talking to each other right now.” “I’m in a lot of credit card debt, even though I make plenty of money. I am terrified to look at my finances.” Being a...
Does This Energy Belong to You?

Does This Energy Belong to You?

“I can’t let go of this disappointment I feel towards my brother. Our parents taught us better than that.” I was coaching someone who was planning a difficult conversation with her brother and she kept getting blended with the way her parents felt...
Grief and The Limit to Caring

Grief and The Limit to Caring

“I want to care, but I just don’t right now.” Have you experienced the apathy that comes with extra stress or grief? People have a limited amount of care they can invest in life tasks. When we are are processing something big, like grief, we...
Whips or Teddy Bears?

Whips or Teddy Bears?

“Ugh, I feel so frustrated with myself! I just want my parts to cooperate.” After you’ve been working on yourself for a few years, you may get annoyed with yourself when you keep doing a behavior you already know isn’t helpful. You’ve...
When Help Doesn’t Help

When Help Doesn’t Help

“I finally made an appointment with that doctor, and they just prescribed me the same thing I was already taking.” “This is the third therapist I’ve tried and I’m not feeling any better.” “I’ve asked everyone I can think...
Who Deserves Your Vulnerability?

Who Deserves Your Vulnerability?

“…and then my boyfriend said he thought we should see other people. I got super sick after that, with some kind of weird bacterial infection that hit my gall bladder. Also, my boss has been being pretty crappy with me for having to take time off....
Wait, Crying is Good For Me?

Wait, Crying is Good For Me?

My massage therapist pressed on a muscle beneath my shoulder blade, and I could feel it—that sudden surge of emotion that meant I was gonna cry. On the table, face in the cradle, I let it out. Later, I was at home watching a movie and felt inundated with all the...
How Big Should Your Britches Be?

How Big Should Your Britches Be?

You don’t have to be small in order to belong. You don’t have to shrink down to be accepted.You don’t have to constantly make space for everyone else.If you grew up trained to be a “good girl” (ahem), you may have gotten messages like I...
How to Shake Off Stagnation

How to Shake Off Stagnation

Before I sat down to write this post, I was feeling all bleh and stuck. I had the afternoon blahs. And I knew it was because I had been in Zoom meetings and client sessions all day. So I took the dog on a walk and threw his ball for a while. And I trusted that would...
Real Change is Incremental

Real Change is Incremental

“Wow, I feel great right now. I’m so glad to not be suffering like that. But I’m really scared this feeling will go away.” Do you ever feel like my client did here? Feeling grateful for experiencing relief from mental suffering, but also...
The Gap of Understanding

The Gap of Understanding

Ever have a conversation with someone that just goes off the rails? One minute, you’re just casually chatting about something innocuous like your favorite TV show, and the next moment, they’ve got some heat in their voice and a tear in their eyes. Somehow...
Is It Really About You At All?

Is It Really About You At All?

Ever get hurt by someone and then exclaim,”Why are they doing this to me?!” We tend to think that people are as aware of us as we are of ourselves. And this is just untrue. Most folks are just pinging around life like they are in a pinball game. People run...
Are Beliefs a Choice?

Are Beliefs a Choice?

“I know money is fickle and it goes where it wants.” “I know I don’t have the right to demand health from the Universe.” “I know I can’t just cut people out of my life because that’s not unconditional love.” As a...
Do You Like Conflict?

Do You Like Conflict?

Do you like conflict? Okay, who says yes to that question? Only people who audition for reality shows, I think. Here’s a very personal confession: I hate conflict. Like, HAAAATE it. I used to believe that finding a way to avoid conflict was the best thing I...
Transitions Suck.

Transitions Suck.

“What about letting gray hair grow is courageous, exactly?” That was what actress Sarah Jessica Parker said when being called “brave” for aging naturally and letting her gray hair shine. I’m gonna disagree with the fabulous SJP and say it...
Have You Ever Gotten Heart Freeze?

Have You Ever Gotten Heart Freeze?

“You are so stunning and kind-hearted. You are brilliant and talented and successful. You think deeply about the people in your life and anyone would be so lucky to date you!” Hearing this compliment, my friend smiled…at first. But the longer the...
Stop Racing for Last Place

Stop Racing for Last Place

Do you always put yourself last? I was discussing with my massage therapist how often people see self-care appointments like massage as “luxury” rather than standard personal care. I notice that, especially as I get older, I have more people telling me...

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