What’s Your Secret Mess?

What’s Your Secret Mess?

“My house is currently a nightmare.” “No one in my family is talking to each other right now.” “I’m in a lot of credit card debt, even though I make plenty of money. I am terrified to look at my finances.” Being a...
Does This Energy Belong to You?

Does This Energy Belong to You?

“I can’t let go of this disappointment I feel towards my brother. Our parents taught us better than that.” I was coaching someone who was planning a difficult conversation with her brother and she kept getting blended with the way her parents felt...
Grief and The Limit to Caring

Grief and The Limit to Caring

“I want to care, but I just don’t right now.” Have you experienced the apathy that comes with extra stress or grief? People have a limited amount of care they can invest in life tasks. When we are are processing something big, like grief, we...
Whips or Teddy Bears?

Whips or Teddy Bears?

“Ugh, I feel so frustrated with myself! I just want my parts to cooperate.” After you’ve been working on yourself for a few years, you may get annoyed with yourself when you keep doing a behavior you already know isn’t helpful. You’ve...
When Help Doesn’t Help

When Help Doesn’t Help

“I finally made an appointment with that doctor, and they just prescribed me the same thing I was already taking.” “This is the third therapist I’ve tried and I’m not feeling any better.” “I’ve asked everyone I can think...
Who Deserves Your Vulnerability?

Who Deserves Your Vulnerability?

“…and then my boyfriend said he thought we should see other people. I got super sick after that, with some kind of weird bacterial infection that hit my gall bladder. Also, my boss has been being pretty crappy with me for having to take time off....
Wait, Crying is Good For Me?

Wait, Crying is Good For Me?

My massage therapist pressed on a muscle beneath my shoulder blade, and I could feel it—that sudden surge of emotion that meant I was gonna cry. On the table, face in the cradle, I let it out. Later, I was at home watching a movie and felt inundated with all the...
How Big Should Your Britches Be?

How Big Should Your Britches Be?

You don’t have to be small in order to belong. You don’t have to shrink down to be accepted.You don’t have to constantly make space for everyone else.If you grew up trained to be a “good girl” (ahem), you may have gotten messages like I...
How to Shake Off Stagnation

How to Shake Off Stagnation

Before I sat down to write this post, I was feeling all bleh and stuck. I had the afternoon blahs. And I knew it was because I had been in Zoom meetings and client sessions all day. So I took the dog on a walk and threw his ball for a while. And I trusted that would...
Real Change is Incremental

Real Change is Incremental

“Wow, I feel great right now. I’m so glad to not be suffering like that. But I’m really scared this feeling will go away.” Do you ever feel like my client did here? Feeling grateful for experiencing relief from mental suffering, but also...
The Gap of Understanding

The Gap of Understanding

Ever have a conversation with someone that just goes off the rails? One minute, you’re just casually chatting about something innocuous like your favorite TV show, and the next moment, they’ve got some heat in their voice and a tear in their eyes. Somehow...
Is It Really About You At All?

Is It Really About You At All?

Ever get hurt by someone and then exclaim,”Why are they doing this to me?!” We tend to think that people are as aware of us as we are of ourselves. And this is just untrue. Most folks are just pinging around life like they are in a pinball game. People run...
Are Beliefs a Choice?

Are Beliefs a Choice?

“I know money is fickle and it goes where it wants.” “I know I don’t have the right to demand health from the Universe.” “I know I can’t just cut people out of my life because that’s not unconditional love.” As a...
Do You Like Conflict?

Do You Like Conflict?

Do you like conflict? Okay, who says yes to that question? Only people who audition for reality shows, I think. Here’s a very personal confession: I hate conflict. Like, HAAAATE it. I used to believe that finding a way to avoid conflict was the best thing I...
Transitions Suck.

Transitions Suck.

“What about letting gray hair grow is courageous, exactly?” That was what actress Sarah Jessica Parker said when being called “brave” for aging naturally and letting her gray hair shine. I’m gonna disagree with the fabulous SJP and say it...
Have You Ever Gotten Heart Freeze?

Have You Ever Gotten Heart Freeze?

“You are so stunning and kind-hearted. You are brilliant and talented and successful. You think deeply about the people in your life and anyone would be so lucky to date you!” Hearing this compliment, my friend smiled…at first. But the longer the...
Stop Racing for Last Place

Stop Racing for Last Place

Do you always put yourself last? I was discussing with my massage therapist how often people see self-care appointments like massage as “luxury” rather than standard personal care. I notice that, especially as I get older, I have more people telling me...
How to Stop Being Too Humble

How to Stop Being Too Humble

On the heels of my post about how there are no rewards for everyday greatness, I remembered a pivotal moment in my life that I want to share with you. Years ago, I tried to lead a group of senior colleagues in planning a big event. A couple people challenged me, with...
When Is My Personal Growth Work Done?!

When Is My Personal Growth Work Done?!

A client texted me, “I get so frustrated / disappointed when I’m hit with waves of sadness or anger. I have this belief that if I was doing my inner work “right,” I wouldn’t be experiencing those big waves of emotion.” We think there’s a point where we...
Your Brain Wants It Easy

Your Brain Wants It Easy

“I know that 75 lbs feels heavy and you want to protect your knee, but trust me and try to lift it anyway.” I’m swearing at my trainer under my breath (just kidding, Brandon!), but I know he’s right. The body doesn’t WANT to do hard...
Your Feelings Are Not Seasonal

Your Feelings Are Not Seasonal

Ever notice that during certain times in life you are supposed to feel a specific way, and if you don’t, it’s not okay? Like, you’re on vacation so you’re supposed to have the best time ever… Or it’s your birthday and you should...
Is This Trauma or Am I Overreacting?

Is This Trauma or Am I Overreacting?

“Oh, I didn’t have as bad as others, so I’m fine.” “It’s really not that big of a deal.” “It happened a really long time ago. I’m over it.”   Have you ever said that in conversation? Yet, when you’re driving home or you get off the zoom call, an uncomfortable...
Where Does Self-Esteem Come From?

Where Does Self-Esteem Come From?

Recently, American singer and recording artist, Lizzo, was asked why she doesn’t “clap back’ at her haters. The singer often shares on her social media how she’s vegan, works out daily, and practices self-love despite constant criticism and jokes about her...
Pre-Plan Your Self-Soothing

Pre-Plan Your Self-Soothing

Ever finish a big celebratory event like a family party or fundraiser feeling amazing, but then the next day, you feel like you got run over by a truck? Or have you had the experience of setting up a conversation with a difficult person, which feels important but...
When Is It Okay to Lie to Yourself?

When Is It Okay to Lie to Yourself?

Have you ever watched those nature shows where you see a predator animal like a cheetah or hyena hunting for its food? You’re glued to the TV.   It’s mesmerizing watching how adaptable and agile the predator is. It’s equally captivating to see what’s being hunted...
The Resentment Trap

The Resentment Trap

Have you ever worked hard on a project, only to have your boss never mention it? Take extra time to get dressed up for “date night” and your spouse doesn’t say anything? Go out of your way for the school fundraiser and no one acknowledges it? Resentment...
What Causes an Existential Crisis?

What Causes an Existential Crisis?

One of the biggest factors in an existential crisis is feeling disconnected from your own soul or heart. When you haven’t been listening to your heart for a long time, you can start to feel empty. You may notice most things don’t bring you a sense of...
Wisdom Is Not Simple

Wisdom Is Not Simple

“Don’t give up before the miracle.” “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink.” “We accept the love we think we deserve.” Wisdom is abundant these days; you see a slew of inspirational quotes every...
How to Stop the Cycle of Reactivity

How to Stop the Cycle of Reactivity

Ever watch someone handle a difficult situation with grace, instead of snapping back or losing their self-control? You might think to yourself, “I wish I could do that. I have no idea how they are so calm!” Meanwhile, you find yourself doing or saying...
Boundaries Are Not Collaborative

Boundaries Are Not Collaborative

“Would you like to brush your teeth this evening?” “I understand you’re mad, but would you be willing to stop yelling?” As parents, we’d never say that. We don’t give kids options. We set boundaries and stick to it. That’s what helps kids grow...
Why Do So Many People Get Burnout?

Why Do So Many People Get Burnout?

Unless you’ve been living under a grey rock, you’ve heard about the “Great Resignation.” It’s the global phenomenon where people began leaving their jobs en masse in 2021. We are, collectively, tired of not be treated right, of being taken for granted, and...
Emotions Are a Body Experience

Emotions Are a Body Experience

Have you ever had this happen? You tell yourself, “Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry… keep it together… don’t cry” … …… And then the water works. Why can’t we control those damn emotions?! Emotions are so inconvenient and messy — I know you...
Six Ways We Avoid Conflict

Six Ways We Avoid Conflict

We want to be well-liked, but in trying to please everyone and prevent hurt feelings, we often end up creating the very drama we sought to avoid. In this article, I’m sharing the six ways we tend to avoid conflict with a coping behavior. What I discovered when...
Book Launch Day!

Book Launch Day!

Join me for the official launch of my new book, Who is in Charge of Your Brain?! At 11:30 AM PT on Friday, September 8, 2017, this video screen *should* become live.  I’ll be reading you the full book, complete with some character voices, plus sharing where you...
Check Your Assumptions

Check Your Assumptions

“Well, aren’t you optimistic?” That was the first thing an elderly stranger said to me as I walked into the elevator. It is late September here in the Northwest, and I was wearing short shorts and a tank top with a jacket over it. She had taken it all in with an...
What Stops You From Taking Action?

What Stops You From Taking Action?

I asked this question on Facebook and got a number of answers (thank you, brave souls) that boiled down to two main obstacles: FEAR Timing Timing, I get, and I support that. Some movements in our lives need us to, as Captain Jack Sparrow says, “wait for the...
What Happens If You Just Ask

What Happens If You Just Ask

How often do you feel you have to accommodate what’s happening in your life? How frequently do you think it’s your job to adapt to the situation, rather than asking for someone else to change? As a Good Girls, we will change ourselves and push down our...
How Quickly Can You Hit the Wall?

How Quickly Can You Hit the Wall?

Sometimes my job is to help people hit the Wall of Futility with both more expediency and compassion than they would on their own. Hitting the Wall of Futility (an expression I first read in an amazing book called “Parenting Without Power Struggles”) is a...
Surrender

Surrender

If you’ve been reading my posts for a while, you know I’ve always got some personal growth “thing” that I’m working on…and what’s been coming up in spades lately is surrender. I remember a friend once evoking it like in the Wizard of Oz, when the witch writes...
Let Your Heart Lean In

Let Your Heart Lean In

I got the nudge to visit the naked lady spa tonight. It was 9pm. I was in Eastlake, just leaving my office, and they close at 10. “Really?” I thought to myself. “That seems not quite right. It’ll be a lot of money for only a little bit of...

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