You’re a pretty good person.

You mostly follow the rules. You eat your veggies. You leave a note when you scrape someone else’s car by accident. You do sweet things for your friends and family.

And you only ask for really necessary help from the Universe. Like, “please Spirit, can my scans turn out okay?” Or “God, I don’t ask for much, but let me get this job!

Or even, “Please Universe, I need this treatment/medication/provider to fix me. Please let it work.

But then it doesn’t work out.
The scans are bad news. They hire someone else. The treatment doesn’t seem to help.

You might feel upset or betrayed by The Universe when this happens.
You wonder, “Is Spirit punishing me? Did I do something wrong? Why didn’t I deserve help there?”

gif of a grey seal waving its arm above its head pointing to a red X that's labeled 'disapproved'. Below it the image is titled "Seal of Disapproval"

Artwork Credit: CyberSulu


Previously, we talked about how we tend to assign personal motivations and psychology to a large concept like The Universe, and how that can get in the way of feeling connected.

In this same way, you might believe that you receive from Spirit BECAUSE you’re worthy, and therefore if you’re not receiving what you want, it means you’ve been deemed NOT worthy.

But the larger magical energy that connects us all is not a person. There is no complex personality casting judgement on you like a human being would.

So how can we deal with not getting what we asked for? What does it mean?



Dealing with terrible news and disappointment is always going to be a challenge. We can’t get away from that.

Here are some steps I follow in my own life when I’m grappling with things not working out:

    1. Remember that bad things DO happen to good people. Remind myself that unfortunate results are not a judgement on my worthiness.


    1. Give myself space to be sad. This means taking the time to sit on the floor or in my car and cry as much as I need until it eases up.


    1. Share with my loved ones. As Ted Lasso says, “there is something worse than being sad, and that’s being alone and being sad.” When I tell my close people about what I’m going through, it feels a bit less hard, and sometimes they have good ways to help me move through it.


  1. Reaffirm to myself that I’m always good enough and I’m already loved. No bad results can change this. It’s a permanent condition.


Notice that nowhere in this list is “try to make sense of why this happened.”

When our requests aren’t fulfilled the way we want them to be, I don’t believe that we should jump into trying to make meaning of it right away. That can be processed later, when you have more emotional space.

Sometimes bad things just happen and our brains don’t want to accept that. But loss is a part of being human—we cannot escape it. The best we can do is be present for our feelings and give ourselves loving care. 

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