(Harmful people post 2 of 2. See Harmful People Warning Signs here.)
Once you’re able to spot harmful people, what can you do about them?
First, remember it’s not your job to fix anyone, and the more you try, the more it erodes away your own confidence and personal power, leaving you spinning in circles. Rather than focus on them, let’s focus on you and what you can do to support yourself.
I want to give you some different ways of thinking that may help you to change the dynamic:
· First, know that you are powerful, and they are predictable.
· Next, change your expectations and realize their behavior is probably not ever going to get any better.
· Lastly, know your deal breakers and have an exit plan.
Below I’ve also listed the eight strategies I mentioned for dealing with harmful people:
- If you feel like you’re able to, cut them out of your life
- Realize that you are more powerful than they are, because unlike them, you’re able to adapt
- Change how you relate to them and keep appropriate expectations
- Take a protection first approach
- Know your deal-breakers in advance
- Calmly and firmly draw a line (aloud or to yourself) and walk away if it gets crossed
- Remember that you don’t have to stay there with them to be polite
- Limit your time with them
Here’s a graphic you can save to remind you:
Additional resources mentioned in the video that may be helpful are:
- “Stop Walking on Eggshells” by Paul T. Mason
- “Psychopath Free” by Jackson MacKenzie
- BPDcentral.com (for more about borderline personality disorder)
- Article about gaslighting: “Why Women Aren’t Crazy”
Always remember that how harmful people behave is NOT your fault.
Let me know if you’ve been able to free yourself from any jerks in the wild using these strategies!