You don’t have to be small in order to belong.

You don’t have to shrink down to be accepted.

You don’t have to constantly make space for everyone else.

If you grew up trained to be a “good girl” (ahem), you may have gotten messages like I did —

“Don’t be too big for your britches.”

“Don’t take up so much room.”

“Don’t be so loud.”

“Listen more, talk less.”


gif on a blue background with a hole in the middle. A sad face is half poking out of the hole and timidly asking "do I fit now?"


At this point in my late 40s, I look around and see a lot of amazing people who have SUPPRESSED THEIR GREATNESS out of politeness and are trying to fit in in a place that is too small for them.

I’ve been exploring how I had learned to make myself smaller in order to fit into groups. And how that is not what I am born for, nor who I truly am.

When our needs outpace what we are getting, we often shame ourselves for our “too big” neediness, rather than seeing that the people around us just aren’t supplying enough of what we need.


There’s nothing “wrong” with you for needing more than you are currently receiving.


gif of a cartoon person waving their hand in the air with a thought bubble over their head reading "more please!" while being surrounded by gifts and hearts


This moment is, however, a cue to open up to and source how to get those needs fulfilled. This work starts with accepting your own needs instead of shaming them.

For example, I can say to myself, “I am big energy. I have big needs for intimacy and connection. I love this about me–how big my energy is and how remarkable I am.”


Let’s name your big needs together (fill in the blanks for yourself):


Fill in the blanks gif with dancing stars. Text reads: "I am... " "I have big needs for... " and "Ilove and accept that I deeply need... "


You are amazing. Please stop lowering your energy frequency to fit in better with people who don’t delight in you.

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