“I finally made an appointment with that doctor, and they just prescribed me the same thing I was already taking.”
“This is the third therapist I’ve tried and I’m not feeling any better.”
“I’ve asked everyone I can think of for help…no one seems to know what to do.”
One of the most difficult experiences we high-performers have is when we reach out for help and it falls flat.
It’s already a challenge for us to lean on someone else, so when it doesn’t work out, it can feel almost worse than our original pain.
We feel betrayed, discouraged, or even hopeless. We think, “if this didn’t help, maybe nothing is going to.”
Credit: Melissa Deckert
I know this feeling so well.
I grew up with serious asthma and then mobility issues I’ve been trying to fix since a knee injury in my 20s. I’ve encountered more things that did NOT help than things that did.
First let me say, I know this experience SUCKS.
Let’s not trivialize that. It takes an emotional toll to reach out and not be met with what you need.
It’s okay to stop and howl at the sky to let out the feelings of anger, fear and sadness. AFTER that, though, there are a few things to do with this situation.
Here’s what I remind myself of after receiving unhelpful “help”:
You are not broken — you are under-resourced.
That’s not your fault.
In a much more fair world, everyone would have loving, grounded emotional and physical and financial support. But we don’t and most of us have less of that than we truly need.It’s not fair, but it’s also not a character flaw. It’s important to work on not judging or blaming yourself for something you didn’t create.
The right help IS out there, even if you don’t know what it looks like yet.
I NEVER would have predicted that there was a modality that would cure my asthma–I didn’t even know that was a possibility. I had no idea that weightlifting was going to significantly improve my knee problem.But I did keep an open mind and a willingness to try something new. So now I remind myself when I start to feel hopeless about finding the right help that it’s just something I haven’t heard of YET.
You’ll find what you need ONLY if you don’t give up.
I’ve spent 15 years working on my knee issue. Some things worked partially, but didn’t last. Some things seemed like they were a waste of time, but in truth, what I learned about my body from doing those things gave me the ability to understand how something like weightlifting could help me.
Multiple clients have said to me over the years that they wished they found me sooner, but they also know when they look back that there was stuff they had to learn before they could make use of our work.
I am so glad they, and I, did not give up, but instead kept learning.
I hope as I’m writing this that reading it inspires you not to give up. Remember, you are WORTHY of exactly the right help.
Enjoy this post? Subscribe to my newsletter for more.