Have you ever worked hard on a project, only to have your boss never mention it?

Take extra time to get dressed up for “date night” and your spouse doesn’t say anything?

Go out of your way for the school fundraiser and no one acknowledges it?

Resentment happens when we can’t stop thinking about what we should have received, but didn’t. It’s accompanied by frustration and hurt feelings. While it makes sense to feel disappointed about not getting what we want, holding on to that feeling is not good for us.

I get it. You’re saying,

“But Rachel, you don’t understand. I deserve to be recognized!”


image of a cartoon cat sitting in a chair with its arms crossed with the bold text "STILL WAITING" over its head


True! And.. but.. also.. however…

Holding resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

Resentment is often a byproduct of people-pleasing, which I shared about last week.

Fixating on what you didn’t get and picking at the wound won’t make you heal any faster. Instead of investing in resentment, you can DIVEST from it, meaning you cut the thought loose.

What if you could give yourself the love and attention you’re seeking with a generous heart?


    • To celebrate your hard work, take yourself out in honor of a big win with your colleagues. 
    • To feel more special on date night, put on that perfume you love and take a selfie just for you.
    • When volunteering, either be generous expecting nothing in return, or pass on the fundraiser if you’re too busy to give time!

You don’t have to keep seeking appreciation from places where you’re not getting it. You deserve more than that.
Focus instead on pleasing yourself and notice where the resentment feeling is showing you that you need to make a change.

“But Rachel, what if I CAN’T let it go?”

If this feeling keeps persisting, then it’s time to talk to that person. Communicate to your boss, your spouse, or to the school committee about what’s important to you and why you’re feeling the way you do. Most reasonable people are receptive to feedback and will work with you to find a solution. Remember in the end, the real power is keeping the lesson and letting go of the grudge. And you are remarkably powerful!


P.S. If you’re stuck, or they aren’t receptive, reach out. Schedule a chat and we’ll talk!

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