How to Build Better Self-Esteem

by | Sep 27, 2024 | articles | 0 comments

“I’m so sorry I made the wrong choice there. I have talked a whole three minutes and that’s so long.” “OMG, I have something in my teeth, I’m so sorry you had to look at that.” “Oh, I didn’t realize that we were so close to the appointment end, I’m sorry to take up your time.”

If I had a dollar for every woman I’ve seen apologize this week for taking up space or some other imagined imperfection, I’d have enough for a diamond encrusted Stanley cup and all the accessories.

Meanwhile, Kamala Harris is twirling on her haters.

She is a masterclass in how to not just take up space, but LOVE being who she is.

 

gif of Kamala Harris dancing and laughingKamala twirling on her haters.

Where does self-esteem like this come from, and why is it so hard to develop?

When we are kids, our parents and our peers will shape how we think about ourselves. If you got a lot of criticism growing up, or if nothing was ever good enough for one or both of your parents, you have likely grown into evaluating yourself with harshness, the same way they did.

Our worst critics and haters are our own internal voices. When the call is coming from inside the house, it’s impossible to ignore. And then we assume other people are thinking about us with the same level of negativity (studies show they are not; people tend to be thinking of you much more positively than you expect.)

How can I develop better self-esteem?

This has come up so much lately with my clients. And I want to give you a deeper answer—you start with deciding to put your heart first.

 

gif of flowers growing up into the shape of a heart with text in the middle reading "put your heart first"

 

You are the only person in charge of your happiness. YOU have divine sovereignty over what happens inside of you. You get to determine what thoughts you’re going to amplify in your mind and what beliefs you’re going to feed.

Not gonna lie, I know this is easier said then done. There are tools that will make this easier and have you fighting yourself much less, like IFS parts work and trauma reconciliation work that you can do while supported by a practitioner like me. But it all starts when you decide you’re DONE with knocking yourself down.

When your negative inner voices aren’t on loud speaker in your head all the time, you can more easily weather the harsh feedback from the world.  You won’t be so driven by the need to please people. You won’t lay in bed at night replaying every scene of the day, wishing you would have acted differently.

I created a workbook for building self-esteem through transforming your inner critic. You can get it here for $11, and I’ll send you some walkthrough videos to accompany it.

Clickable image of the cover of Rachel's Inner Critic workbook. Click to purchase a digital copy.

Download the Turn Your Inner Critic into Your Personal Champion.

I know it’s not easy to break the spell of the negative talk inside yourself, but I ALSO know that you deserve to be loved on, inside and out.

 

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