You’re Not Alone in Loneliness

by | Oct 10, 2024 | articles | 0 comments

“My experience right now is so isolating. Everyone else has family and full lives, and I’m just here alone.”

Someone attending my Family Constellations workshop looked at a reflection of her family story — her standing alone surrounded by a community separate from her. She was in tears, feeling so lonely and ashamed of being so.

I looked around at everyone gathered and asked that anyone else who experienced this in their own life would please stand up. The crowd, as one, all stood up simultaneously.

gif of a bird with its mouth open and huge wide eyes

 

She was truly surprised. When we are feeling low and lonely, it’s so easy to believe that no one else is feeling this way. Whether that’s due to cognitive bias or just a way that loneliness lies to us, it FEELS true that we are so alone in our experience.

But in actuality, there’s a loneliness epidemic in our culture. The U.S. Surgeon General issued an advisory on this just last year, saying, “Given the significant health consequences of loneliness and isolation, we must prioritize building social connection the same way we have prioritized other critical public health issues such as tobacco, obesity, and substance use disorders.”

If there’s an epidemic, there’s no way you can be the only one feeling this way!

So how do we create a change?

Let’s start with acknowledging that it’s normal to need human connection. There’s nothing wrong with wanting that. Humans are social beings and our nervous systems need connection to feel safe.

Second, do ONE thing to bolster your human connection. Reach out to a friend you’ve been meaning to connect with. Actually make real plans and stick to them.

Real talk: people often lament to me that their friends are bad at initiating plans. Yep, a lot of mine are, too. We can’t change them, but you and CAN be the initiator.

I’ve learned to accept that I will initiate more plans than I will receive invitations. That doesn’t mean I’m not loved or wanted enough; it simply means I am better at being proactive and I prioritize getting social connection.

 

gif of a group of women hugging with flowers growing around them. Text reading "An antidote to loneliness: initiate connection"

 

If you decide to put your focus on creating those opportunities for loving connection, you’ll find that slowly and surely, that’s what you get.

You deserve to be surrounded by people who love you and believe in you.

 

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