“I know I’ve been struggling with this for so long…but right now, when I have the chance, it’s feeling hard to let go of the problem.”
You might laugh at this, but when we are truly given the chance to let go of a significant problem, many people hesitate. This is very counterintuitive; since we all get so sick and tired of our problems, why wouldn’t we jump at the chance to let them go!?
Who am I without this problem?!
The truth is that we like to have clear self definitions, and once they are set, we don’t like to change them. Remember, our brains are lazy.
Personality tests and astrology are wildly popular for this reason (no shade here, I love both). “I’m a Leo” has the same clarity as “I’m a people-pleaser.” Some self-definitions feel more positive than our problematic patterns and traits, but we cling to BOTH kinds.
If I could wave a wand that would make you stop people-pleasing or let go of the baggage of growing up poor, for example, would you accept it?
My experiences with clients over the last 18 years shows me that most of you would be reluctant, even if you didn’t understand why. Even if you were super annoyed with yourself for being resistant to letting it go, you might still not be able to.
We don’t want to be LESS.
One of the ways to counteract this reluctance to let go of your problems is to make sure to bring IN something good to fill the space.
In the therapy modality IFS, whenever we have an inner critic stop beating you up, we make sure that critic has a new and healthier job. In energy healing, when we release a dark spot inside, we make sure to then fill it up with light. When we help someone visualize a bad thing being destroyed in their memory, we fill in the void with something pleasant.
Nature abhors a vacuum. Our personalities are no different. So if you’re ready to let something go, truly GO, create a plan to also put something healthier and happier in its place.
If you need support with that, I’m here for you.
