“Ugh, I feel so frustrated with myself! I just want my parts to cooperate.”

After you’ve been working on yourself for a few years, you may get annoyed with yourself when you keep doing a behavior you already know isn’t helpful. You’ve already done so much to correct it! WHY can’t you get this right?!

When you go inside yourself to try to work on your self-sabotaging or resistance or stuckness, though, do you ever notice the attitude you’re bringing to yourself? Is it judgemental, annoyed, or otherwise harsh?


gif of a cartoon bear getting hit on the head over and over again with a baguetteCredit: WonderPals


Confronting yourself with a negative demeanor will just send all your hurting inner kids running and hiding. Think of your mom saying your full name in a stern summoning.

No one softens into a useful conversation when you start with negativity and judgement. This makes it waaaayyy harder, if not impossible, to have a constructive or healing experience with yourself.

You want to get your parts to trust you? Confide in you? Be willing to do the uncomfortable work of change for you? You gotta start the conversations by bringing teddy bears, blankets and band-aids, not a whooping stick. 

I mean this figuratively and literally. Get yourself into a state of curiosity and compassion before addressing where it hurts. And visualize bringing symbols of comfort, which will further invoke your compassion and help your parts know you come in peace.


gif of two cats laying down together and one putting their hand on the other one's head


When you start conversations with yourself using tenderness rather than frustration, you’ll be happily surprised how much more quickly your parts will trust you and open up to you.

If you need help bringing tenderness to the parts of you that are hurting, it’s time to book a chat with me.


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