Things look so messed up, so I jumped in and offered a solution. But then my partner got really annoyed at me and we ended up in an argument. I thought I was helping. What happened?!
When things seem like a urgent issue, many of us high performers get triggered into action mode. There’s an internal pressure to say something or do something quickly. Whether it’s in person or on social media, many of us feel the need to try to fix it or get involved.
But when does getting involved end up hurting more than helping?
As a Rescuer-in-recovery, I’ve learned to ask myself I start intervening in any perceived crisis:
Is this about me, or is it about them?
In other words, does my desire to step in have more to do with alleviating some pressure inside of me?
OR do I truly feel I’m holding a useful piece of the solution that I can share…AND is that other person or group in a place to actually use what I have to offer?
So how can you tell when to follow the desire to help and when to pause?
One key is to check in on your level of anxiety. Do you feel scared or nervous or anxious about what’s happening? And do you want to “fix it” so that you can stop feeling that way?
That’s more about you and probably is a sign to pause, do some self-soothing, and gather more information about what’s happening.
Only when you feel more grounded and have a wider view of what’s going on, including being able to critically assess how others are feeling, it is likely a good time to see if they want your offer of assistance.
When the world has a lot of difficult things happening, you may need some support to get back to that place of calm. I’d like to invite you to drop in on my weekly Get F*cking Grounded sessions to bring you back to a solid baseline.
If you want more personalized help cleaning up your secret messes so you can be a centered leader, book a chat with me.
Here’s to finding calm first, then taking action.
