Do You Make Other People’s Faults Your Fault?

by | Jan 10, 2025 | articles | 0 comments

“What he said was so hurtful! I must have really done something wrong to make him say that.”

We have a tendency to assume that other people treat us a certain way because of who we are or what we have done. For example, if someone is mean to me, it must be because of something I’ve done or said.

We assume this with our parents when we are children. If we are good kids, they’ll treat us well and love us. So if they aren’t doing that, it must be because we are bad.

This is a child’s way of thinking, because it’s very self-centered.
 Everything happens to me because of me. The world centers around me.

gif of a woman looking very satisfied and pointing to herself. Credit: @RosannaPansino

Children have no concept of the rich complexity of other people’s personalities. They have no idea that people are doing and saying stuff because of their OWN inner lives, traumas, past experiences, childhood patterns, etc.

Other people’s faults are not YOUR fault.

High-performers with good hearts like you try sooo hard to be generous to others, but often at the cost of making yourself always be the wrong one.

The truth is, other people have lots of flaws. Other people behave thoughtlesslyreactively, and hurtfully…and it has nothing to do with you. It’s not about you at all.

If you’re like me, you might struggle to accept this. Why is that? Shouldn’t it be easy to let yourself off the hook and accept that other people are just jerks or thoughtless at times?

 

purple background with gold square in the center and text reading "Secret messes look like: believing I'm responsible for other people's faults"

 

It’s hard, I think, because to accept that other people do things for their own reasons, unrelated to us, means we have no control over what they are doing. No matter how perfectly we behave, we can’t make them be better.

My brain does not like NOT being in control of the universe. It fights accepting this.

But when we allow this acceptance, we discover our actual power. The power to not be controlled by other people’s behavior. If we aren’t trying to steer others all the time, then we can just make choices for our own peace and happiness.

Let them be them so you can just be you.

 

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