“I’d always thought if someone had charisma it meant they were charming. But it’s so much more than that. It’s a force…with the most dangerous version being the one that doesn’t ask our permission to cast its spell on us.” – Arlene Dickinson
I don’t know about you, but for me it feels like the last few years have given me big lessons in separating people’s charm from their trustworthiness.
 Feeling enthralled |
I’ve felt the charisma and the pull; I’ve felt the awe in the audience as we were enthralled by Big Name speakers.
I’ve also had my body literally shut down when I’m around “evil charisma,” as Arlene Dickinson calls it here. When I read her post, I reflected on several of my own experiences being fooled by charisma.
I saw Deepak speak once at a Unity church and I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I kept falling asleep, and I felt pretty embarrassed about it at the time. To try to make sense of it, I told myself that maybe my conscious brain was overwhelmed by the spiritual vibrations. Or something like that.
Based on revelations we’ve heard this year, I now think…I was in the presence of charisma with no integrity (I define integrity as sticking by your principles when it is INconvenient), and maybe my body and spirit cut me off from it.
I attended a conference put on by a Big Name speaker (one of the Tony Robbins descendants) back in 2018. I was so hyped to network and meet powerful, important people for my business. And I literally got super sick on the first day. So sick I couldn’t go back for the next two days of snake oil sales. I lamented my health at the time, thinking I was missing a great opportunity, but actually, my body and my spirit (or great Spirit) seemed to keep me away from people whose values are so contrary to my own.
I’m still not perfect at discerning healthy charisma from Evil Charisma, but I tell these stories to keep it fresh in my mind.
This is one way we can keep maintaining the wisdom from the lessons we have learned. If we don’t want to get sick or taken advantage of, we can focus on remembering our difficult experiences and what they taught us about people’s nature.
Just because someone makes you feel warm and connected DOESN’T necessarily mean they’re a good person, more spiritual, or qualified to help you in any way.
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Words and vibes need to be supported by actions. How do they behave when things aren’t going their way, or when someone disagrees with their teaching? Do they walk their talk in public AND in private? Are they more concerned with image than with doing the right thing?
There’s no way to gauge someone’s true nature immediately. But we can practice holding space and taking our time to learn more, instead of letting someone get immediately close to us just because they are charming. We don’t have to be defended; just more thoughtful and slower to bring someone into our circle of trust.
What has your experience with charming people been? What can you learn and remember as a best practice moving forward?
