“How do I even start prepping for that conversation? I feel like it’s hard to even make myself visualize it. I get kind of freaked out and just want to distract myself.”
We’ve been talking lately about steps you can take to prepare for a conflict that you’ve been dreading or avoiding so that it’s not so hard.
Let’s get into one of the key elements that can change a conversation from one you dread having to a talk you can have with clarity and confidence.
For every hard conversation we are avoiding, there’s a deeper Fear that we might not want to deal with.
Usually, the Fear is coming from a child part of you who is seeing the situation with some distortion. It might sound like a binary always/never statement such as “They’re never going to listen to me,” or “I always hurt people,” or that favorite old chestnut “I’m not good enough.”
Absolutes like these are almost always lies we have been subconsciously taught to think about ourselves.
We need to put that Fear into words so it loses some of its power. When you see the underlying fear written out like, “I’m always wrong,” or “I’m scared they won’t want to be with me anymore,” it can help expose whether that Fear is fully rational.
Sometimes, a part of the Fear is an actual possible outcome that we need to grapple with and plan around. And sometimes it’s a very exaggerated idea that was getting blown out of proportion because we weren’t considering the issue in the open air.
Either way, exposing your underlying Fear to yourself and your logical thought process gives you more power and the ability to adapt your plan to address that fear.
Once you’ve consciously and thoughtfully addressed your underlying Fear, you’re going to regain some of your rational thinking and be able to move into making an intervention plan that gets you more of what you need.
More strategy, less fear.
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