“Part of me is so critical and judgey—it doesn’t even want to listen to reason and it doesn’t trust me.”
There’s a secret messiness we experience when we can’t find peace inside ourselves. When our parts are cold and judgmental toward us, it’s hard to find confidence or comfort.
I’ve seen clients struggle to connect with a critical part of themselves when that part will NOT soften, even when offered tenderness and compassion.
This almost always means the client is carrying beliefs and emotions that don’t belong to them. These are often critical voices from parents, grandparents, siblings or schoolmates that have grafted on to their own inner critic.
When an inner critic is blended with critical voices that don’t belong to us, we always stop and extract the pieces that don’t belong to the client. All those pieces will only get in the way and stubbornly cling to their idea.
We get confused or stuck when trying to “fix” a feeling or connect with a part that isn’t ours. We cannot resolve criticism or negative energy toward us that doesn’t belong to us. If a feeling does not originate in us, it’s not ours to fix, persuade or change.
Once you separate out what isn’t yours, the parts that remain will be on your side. And then things get easier. Our authentic parts tend to be so willing to receive love and connection, so likely to soften and make adjustments for the good of the whole system.
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