“I dropped out of that friend group because of those jerks, but now I’m just by myself a lot of the time. I’m feeling pretty lonely lately…I don’t know what to do with that.”
Pain has a way of making us retreat.
Injured or sick animals will often distance themselves from others to nurse their wounds. There’s also a strong tendency in all of us to hide away when we are hurting.
When we experience pain, betrayal, loss, or hurt, we go into self-preservation mode, thinking that being around people will just create more pain. A lot of my clients working through their trauma talk about having a hard time trusting others.
Credit: Muffin and Nuts
This makes sense, of course. AND staying isolated only makes sense for a while. Eventually, to heal, you need connection with others.
The problem is that we are mostly wounded in the midst of people, but we heal amongst other people as well. Yes, people are the ones who caused your hurt, but people are also the cure. We NEED healthy connection with others for our good mental health.
Have you ever shared a difficult story with a group and had them respond with, “yeah, I really get that. It sucks. Here are some of our stories and how we dealt with that.”
That’s the healing power of community. That’s the power in being witnessed, validated, and seen.
The work you may have been doing on yourself isn’t as effective if you’ve been only keeping it to yourself. It’s going to take you farther if you can share yourself with others who can care about you and support you.
I get that it’s hard to figure out how to let people back in, or figure out who is worthy of your trust. It’s a path, not a switch you can just flip. But it’s work worth doing.
I have a weekly group gathering where a small group of kind-hearted folks get to share what they’re dealing with, and then I lead a clearing and energizing meditation. We call it “Get F*cking Grounded” or GFG for short. You’re welcome to drop in any time you’d like some more connection.