“My mom has so many unreasonable demands. I try to just go along and not make waves to keep the peace. But now she’s calling me almost every day and guilt tripping me when I try to say I can’t talk.”
No one likes to be attacked or mired in drama. It makes sense to avoid it when you can. But do you know when it’s smart to turn the other cheek versus when you need to take a stand?
With chronically difficult people (which we seem to be getting a master class in right now), the drama isn’t temporary or infrequent. You can’t just scoot a few seats over and avoid getting affected.
And when a chronically difficult person is in your personal life, you’ll eventually find out that obedience doesn’t get you peace. No matter how calm or thoughtful or generous you are, they will take up all that you offer and then move the goalposts and demand more.
Credit: @NaomiMaria
While it can be tempting to give a little to try to avoid a conflict, giving a little over and over again will only build resentment and wear down your self-esteem. Also, the difficult person is only learning that they can get stuff from you without much pushback.
Difficult people don’t really learn or change. Takers will keep taking. And it’s smarter to focus on YOUR ability to do something different, rather than making idle wishes for it to be different.
What if, instead, you decide to become difficult FOR difficult people. What if you decide to make your NO be a solid sentence. What if you determine that your life will be better without that difficult person in it, and let them break like a wave against the wall of your determination?
I often tell my clients that if people want our sweetness and generosity, all they have to do is treat us well. Most people are decent and civil and want to get along. But if they are not, they don’t deserve endless generosity. They deserve boundaries.
Need some validation, support, and help building that wall of boundaries? That’s what I’m here for.
Let’s chat.
